


The Chronicles of Faberry: The Bicorn, The Bitch and The Manwhore

by dgronison



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgronison/pseuds/dgronison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From enemies, kind-of friends to girlfriends. This is the story of how Faberry came to be… through the eyes (and maybe ears) of their three closest but very nosy friends. Canon up to 3x08 (Hold On To Sixteen) and the rest is slightly AU and according to my gleeverse headcanon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chronicles of Faberry: The Bicorn, The Bitch and The Manwhore

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee and the characters involved in this story blah blah blah, you know the drill. Credits to the Narnia title for the idea and giving me the muse to write another crazy one-shot. Gotta love some puns once in awhile.

“Berry.”

Puck’s head snapped in attention towards that ice-cold voice echoing in the suddenly quiet hallway. The only sound that can be heard is coming from his girlfriend(?) Lauren who’s munching on the last Twinkie he got for her earlier from the cafeteria vendo. The wrestler also turned her gaze at the ex-Cheerio, leaning at the lockers with a disinterested pose though from spending most of his time drooling at the large beauty, he’s pretty sure that there’s a spark of amusement behind her eyes for a second before turning to its usual bored dullness.

“Why, hello Quinn. To what pleasure do I owe you this visit to my locker?”

Geez. Puck’s really starting to doubt his Jewish American princess’ sanity. For being archenemies since the first day of Freshman year, she should have known that Ice Quinn’s stiff posture, artic glare and venomous, raspy voice spells trouble… or in this case, catfight.

“Are you really that desperate? Chasing my sloppy seconds just because you don’t have a date for Prom?” Quinn stood in front of Rachel in all her HBIC glory, getting straight to the point as she glared death daggers to the still oblivious brunette.

“Oh, that.” Rachel faltered a little, daring to send a meek but brave stare at the fuming blonde. “Do you have a problem with that? Sam actually refused first as to not let our fellow students think that he’s moved on that easy from Santana though I think it’s quite obvious that he used her as a rebound from your devastating break-up but I’m also pretty sure that Santana is using him as well because Brittany is now dating Artie and she’s feeling very bitter and depressed---”

“Cut the crap, Man Hands. I don’t need any explanation from you. Just stay away from him.” Quinn cut-off Rachel’s diatribe heatedly and stepped closer to the small diva’s space, almost pressing their chests together.

Rachel is starting to look very annoyed, which is most likely from the blonde not letting her finish another one of her long-ass winded rambles. But the thing is, she looks taken aback from the resurfacing name Quinn used to call her. Even that made him frown a little, his baby mama may be a bitch but she’s kinda tame these days since she and Finn decided to date again.

“You have the audacity to tell me to stay away from your ex-boyfriend when you actually cheated on the said guy to revive an affair that’s long-gone and went down to flames?” Rachel stood straighter as she tried to meet the girl’s hard stare with as much as she can from her small stature. You can see her left eye twitching for a second the retort was out, as if she felt bad for voicing it out.

Quinn physically seem surprised, the stiffness of her shoulders sagging a little and if you look closely there’s an emotion close to being hurt and ashamed passing by those softening dark-hazel eyes. Puck thought he might have just imagined that because in a blink, the blonde seemed to get angrier at each passing second.

“Well, aren’t you being a hypocrite here? Didn’t you also cheat on Finn with Puck?” She responded calmly, giving out a humorless chuckle. He felt goosebumps on his nape, wondering if he should run interference between the two before they blow up or worse, say much more hurtful things they don’t really mean at all.

“Santana’s right. You’re just as easy as they go. Hanging on to guys who’ll look at you twice or pay the least attention to you.” Whoops. Or maybe he’s a second too late for that.

Quinn moved closer, pressing their heaving chests this time. Puck swallowed audibly, feeling his pants tighten a little and mentally chastising his buddy down there for distracting him. Even Lauren noticed how he stiffened and turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, still munching on her Twinkie.

“You are nothing but a second rate. Trying hard… Attention. Whore.” The blonde hissed quietly, emphasizing the last two words in hot, panting breaths on Rachel’s angry, scowling face.

There was a blur of movement coming from Rachel’s side, her hand lifting up to slap the blonde on the face but stopped and shakily crumpled it to a fist then helplessly let it down to her side. If it’s even possible, Rachel leaned in closer to Quinn’s slightly-looking guilty but… turned-on face?? Puck blinked blankly but before his slow mind tried to process it, the brunette replied in the most intimidating and disappointed voice he heard her use.

“You know, what? I can’t believe I’m even wasting my time here talking and explaining myself to you. Letting someone who’s been nothing but a selfish and jealous bitch to judge me for the way I am as a person and on how I handle my past relationships.” She took a deep breath and stared at Quinn with so much hard determination and smug self-righteousness only Rachel Berry can muster.

“I don’t care what the others or _you_ think about me. I’m going to graduate with honors in this school and leave this goddamned town to pursue my dreams in New York. A place where people like _me_ are appreciated and looked up to not only because of my indescribable talent but also the fact that I am someone who actually grew up with values and will be respected for not being ashamed of who I really am.”

Rachel took another deep breath and took the chance to slip away from Quinn, closing her forgotten locker and turning back to face the blonde to say her last words.

“Though I do I agree about what you said to me once. Maybe it is time to get it right and I will, I know I would. But you? I’m afraid you do deserve the things you told me at the auditorium… a deceitful happy ending just because you’re scared of the vast possibilities there are for you to find. You are the hypocrite here, Quinn Fabray… You should be the one trying to get things right in your life. Stop deflecting and start acting like the person I know who you really are.”

The brunette was about to turn and walk away before looking back again then adding, “Oh, and for the record? Mercedes is going with Sam and I.”

Rachel walks away for real this time from the stunned blonde but Quinn immediately snapped out of it and followed the briskly walking brunette around the corner. He blinked again, wondering if another altercation (a very… deep and sexually frustrating one to say the least) between the school’s HBIC and school loser happened. He’s giving this round to Rachel though. Chick’s toughening up and learning how to defend herself since his douchebag of a best friend broke up with the girl because of a stupid but very hot, make-out session with him. Okay, fine! He’s also at fault in the situation and if he didn’t stop his Jewish American princess, he might have popped her ‘berry’ after all. Still, it’s a very rushed and dimwitted decision to break-up with the small diva. Then again, he thinks it might be for the best from what he had seen earlier.

“What are you smiling at? It’s not even a catfight and Junior’s got all excited? You’re pathetic, Puckerman.”

Lauren swallowed the remaining bit of Twinkie in her mouth and threw the wrapper to the ground, grabbing her bag from him and started to walk away. He immediately looked down to see the slight bulge in his pants with an embarrassed blush before looking up to catch up with his, umm… girlfriend.

“Babe, wait! It’s not what you’re thinking! You know that seeing you eat those Twinkies in record time never fails to get the Puckasaurus hot and bothered!” 

 

* * *

 

 

Many people might see Brittany Pierce as someone… atypical. She has a way of viewing things in a very colorful yet innocent perspective that may let you think that she’s… well yeah, a bit dull when she’s really one of the smartest people you’ll ever meet.

Let’s take her explanation on why she thinks of herself as a bicorn whereas she calls Kurt and Santana pure-bred unicorns. That’s most likely the reason why she chose the rainbow unicorn theme for Kurt’s campaign earlier this year… but then again that’s not what she wants to point out in this monologue going on inside her head. She prefers it this way because Lord Tubbington can be really sneaky these days when he’s not busy reading her diary. Who knows? Maybe he’s even gossiping with Charity the neighbor’s cat about her awesome ideas. She couldn’t afford that, no. Not until she tells San about it first. She’ll probably ruffle her hair and coo about how smart she is (which she is, really.) then proceeds to the… Oh damn it. Anyway, so here’s the down low: She thinks that Kurt, San and her might not only be the members of the Rainbow Brigade in Glee Club.

**** _Flashback from Two Days ago…**_**

_Everyone is already in the choir room, waiting for Mr. Schue to arrive. This is usually how things go in the Glee club every meeting: their moderator being 15 minutes late because he’s out flirting with Ms. Pillsbury; Kurt and his tittle-tattle crew (Mercedes, Tina and a slightly confused but amused Blaine)talking about the newest rumor going around school; Brittana making out like the world is about to end from the last row of seats; Puck (who’s trying to balance leering at the couple and playing the guitar), Sam, Artie and Finn (who’s wearing his constipated frown when he’s actually trying to send kicked puppy looks and pouts at an unsuspecting Rachel for being ignored) getting their jam on with the band._

_And then there’s Rachel and Quinn… sitting on the piano bench while murmuring to themselves, giggling quietly if you actually try to get closer from where they are seated._

_Yep, that’s how things were lately at the club these days… wait._

_Brittany took the chance to peek at Rachel and Quinn on the piano when Santana pulled back slightly to move her kisses on the dancer’s neck. She noticed how Quinn would dip her head down slightly and look at Rachel beneath her lashes, sending the rambling brunette with her upside-down smile (or what Brittany thinks is the other blonde’s so-called ‘Rachel smile’).Closing her eyes once again, she bit her lip and moaned quietly as the Latina continues to ravish her neck and was now marking her pulse point. Brittany heard a small whimper (most likely Puck’s) that made her eyes flutter open a little, seeing the tiny brunette trying her best to stifle a beaming smile while blushing on what Quinn was probably saying to her._

_“Oh God, San…” She breathed out as the Latina nipped the bruising mark then soothed it with her lapping tongue. Brittany was starting to get really turned on (but who are we kidding? She’s always horny whenever her Sanny’s around. Girl’s a hot piece of unicorn ass after all.) and decided to ignore the others and give them what would be the hottest live show that will either scar them for life or leave them to be hot messes. The blonde cheerio was about to straddle Santana when something caught her peripheral view and… ARE QUINN AND RACHEL ABOUT TO KISS?! She grabbed the strong tanned shoulders of her girlfriend and held onto it, lust forgotten as she narrowed her eyes on the sight of Rachel leaning in forward to Quinn’s personal space. She heard Santana’s disapproving whine, trying to latch on the blonde Cheerio’s neck once again but was unsuccessful as Brittany’s hold on her tightened even more as the girl held her breath just like Quinn when Rachel’s face was like an inch close to the ex-Cheerio’s when suddenly…_

_Rachel’s hand lifted up to the stiff blonde’s cheek then used her index finger and thumb to pick a dirt or something below the girl’s left eye then murmured quietly. She pulled back slowly with a shy but beaming smile, handing Quinn… a fallen eyelash? The blonde was all-wide eyed and a flustered mush, taking the offered eyelash then nodded dumbly upon the small diva staring yet another tirade about making wishes on said fallen eyelash._

_“Britt? Baby, are you okay?”_

_Brittany’s fingers loosened their grip on the Latina’s shoulder then snapped her gaze from the shyly blushing girls back to her slightly annoyed but still horny girlfriend, “Umm, San? Do you think Q and Rach are like us too?”_

_Santana’s forehead wrinkled into a confuzzled frown and tilted her head in amusement at the blonde’s assessment. “Umm. B, what do you mean by like us? Because obviously those prudes are not hot bitches like us.”_

_“Of course not. We’re the hottest piece of action at this school like you said.” She stated in a proud grin, making the Latina chuckle at the adorable blonde. Brittany’s grin faded as she looked back at the other set of blonde and brunette from the piano once again, eyes squinting in contemplation as the girls giggled at some inside joke ending with Rachel flushed with another coy smile as Quinn flattened a ruffled strand from the top of her hair with eyes full of warmth and dare she say it, love._

_“But San… they’re like baby unicorns right now. You know, like us when we first met? They’re being shy and flirty around each other without really seeing it. Besides, Q seems to be looking over at the guys’ side with that smug bitch grin she wears whenever she wins on an argument with you.” Brittany pouted at Santana, making the latter melt like the whipped puddle of mush she is and sent the said girls a cynical stare. She was about to reply something when Mr. Schue comes in looking slightly disheveled, wiping away what suspiciously looked like lip gloss on his butt-chin._

_“Okay, guys! Let’s work on this week’s theme and assignment! Drum roll, Finn!”_

_Santana rolled her eyes so hard Brittany is actually scared that she might get them stuck so far behind her pretty head. Lord Tubbington would find another thing to accuse the Latina of being a mutant and try to escape from her room to go to that lab where they’re making those antidotes to cure them._

_Brittany sighed and moved away from Santana’s lap but sat close to her, smiling a little when she felt a soft kiss pressed on her temple._

_One thing people don’t know about Brittany Pierce? She has ninja skills that’ll have Mike make a run for his money. She’s pretty sure about this build-up going on between Q and Rachel is going to be pretty epic and well, full of rainbows and everything nice. For now, she’ll just sit back and enjoy the warmth coming from Santana’s body as they snuggled while Quinn is looking over at Rachel with a mix of amusement and fondness as the brunette is trying to her best to get their moderator to have his head back to the game because of the upcoming Nationals competition instead of letting him get away with another one of his crazy life-theme lessons._

****End of Flashback****

“B? Babe? Are you doing that monologue thing again?”

Brittany snapped her attention back to the very much naked Latina hovering above her, frowning in curiosity and concern. She wrapped her arms around the girl’s tanned neck and pulled her closer to nuzzle their noses together before flipping their position, with her straddling the surprised Latina this time.

“We’ll talk about it later. Let’s get our lady kisses on first before Lord Tubbington videotapes us again. I think that’s why you found that camcorder you gave me out of batteries.”

 

* * *

Santana looked around the empty Cheerios locker room before stomping her way towards her locker. She got fucking cock-blocked again, thanks to that little minion Becky Jackson. Of course, her girl Britt is a fucking saint not to turn down that cock-blocker’s call for help. Why does she need to go over the new routine anyway? It’s not like she’s actually included in the whole performance or anything. That pout though… She’s pretty sure it can end wars. Okay, fine. Maybe she’s whipped. Just a little and just for her Britt-Britt.

The Latina didn’t fight the small smile creeping on her face as she thought about her awesome girlfriend. _Girlfriend_. Yeah, she’s still getting used to it even though they’ve been out with their relationship for a few months. She’s pretty sure that she couldn’t get any happier than have Brittany officially hers and herself being Brittany’s.

“Oh God… Right there…”

She stopped her ministrations and narrowed her eyes, looking around at the now seemingly not so empty locker room. She moved slowly, stealthily as she can as to not alert the bitches hooking up wherever they are right now.

“Shit… Do you know how much I wanted to do this to you all day? You’re just so… indescribably sexy.”

Santana burrowed her brows, trying to identify where the noise is coming from. The Latina can’t really pinpoint who it is talking but she’s familiar with that rich, raspy voice echoing. Aha, she smirked. Apparently, it looks like some other girls in the team are queerleaders as well. Sue’s in for another fucking treat.

She tiptoed quietly as much as she could, mentally noting to give her girl a hot thank you kiss later for her improving ninja skills. Santana heard a small squeak then a soft moan as she approached the showers. The Latina is actually contemplating on cock-blocking those bitches because why not? She’s not getting any lady-lovin’ so why would she let these rug-munchers have some fun on their own. Besides, only Britts and her can get their mack on in here without Sue getting all Rambo on them.

“Q-Quinn… Baby, please… Stop teasing, I need you right now…” A whimpering voice pleaded before a low muffled chuckle was heard, “You know me, sweetheart. It’s all about the teasing and not about the pleasing.” Another squeak echoed on a stall then followed by sucking noises, making the pleading girl groan in frustration.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” Santana cursed under her breath as she froze in her place, eyes getting wider as each second pass if possible. “I knew that bitch must have done something on my gaydar. How could I have missed this one? Shit, Tubbers McPrude is actually Queer Fabgay.”

Her smirk deepened as she finally matched the raspy voice quality as Quinn’s when the blonde groaned appreciatively, “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of telling you how much these glorious legs never fail to… Turn. Me. On.” The last three words were emphasized by slapping sounds of Quinn and this random bitch’s body.

Santana couldn’t help but be a little impressed at Quinn’s ability to please a woman from the way the bitch is almost howling like those werewolves from Twilight that her girlfriend made her watch. She shuddered suddenly when images of a large werewolf that pretty much looks like Lassie and her sorta frenemy are mating somewhere deep down the woods. She was thinking about bleaching her brain from the image she came up with (actually, any image of Quinn Fabray getting her scissoring on) when the panting and groans from the second to the last stall intensified.

The cheerio walked closer, contemplating once more if she should interfere first or get her phone and record them going at it like bunnies for future blackmail material. She was a few more steps away when she noticed two silhouette figures humping against the wall, making more squeaky and gasping sounds as the girl Quinn is fucking against it neared her bliss.

“Say my name. Say it when you come for me.” Quinn growled lowly, the shadow of her hand between the girl’s legs moving faster as the said girl’s figure arched its back and moaned incoherently. The Latina looked around for a hiding spot before the girls finish their business and found one behind a stray set of lockers near the stalls. She was about to take her phone between her cleavage when she realized that she left it at Brittany’s locker earlier after their usual afternoon tryst at the secluded part in the library. The Cheerio cursed under her breath again, thinking of other ways how to use this new information against Quinn. The two weren’t actually butting heads these days but she couldn’t let the chance to piss off Fabray and wipe off that know-it-all smug smile she wears when she’s around because well, she’s just a bitch and knows it sets her off--- slip away easily from her grasp.

“C-Close… Oh God… T-There… Yes… Q-Quinn… QUINN!!!!!”

Wow, that girl’s very vocal and fucking loud for her taste. Kinda reminds her of someone she knows but pushed the idea at the back of her mind as she waited for the two to get their bearings then emerge out of the stall.

“W-wow, that was…”

“I’m amazing blah blah, yeah I know. You’re welcome by the way.”

A loud slap reverberated around the room and a quiet whine was heard afterwards. There were some low murmurings that she can’t quite translate before loud giggles echoed along with swishes of the shower curtain. Santana cursed mentally again for leaving her phone behind and held her breath as she saw a disheveled Quinn stepping out backwards from the stall. She’s wearing this stupid, dopey grin that can rival Finnept’s as she continued to giggle and pull a tanned hand that peeked from the curtain.

“Ugh. I can’t comprehend why I find your self-righteousness a turn-on, Quinn Fabray. For once, I’m starting to question my sanity as to why I’m with you.”

The second voice was a little hoarse from all that screaming and shit, making it hard for Santana to identify who the owner is. She squinted a little more, not wanting to miss anything once this mystery hook-up girl is revealed to her.

“Mhmm. You like it, though. Didn’t you tell me that I drive you crazy most of the time? You love the thrill and excite you experience in this relationship, admit it.” Quinn smugly replied, pushing the curtains to the side to have a good look on the other girl. Santana tiptoed a little, hoping she could at least have a glimpse of the girl’s face but failed. She growled lowly, sending mental curses on the two girls for taking so long and flirting too much that it made her want to throw up her lunch.

The hidden girl huffed out loud, then stepped out her skirt-clad leg (which look so flawless by the way) then haughtily replied, “Who are we kidding here? Weren’t you the one who chased after me first?”

No way, she thought as the girl finally revealed herself. Her eyes almost bulged from her sockets when a smirking Rachel Berry pulled an amused but slightly turned on looking Quinn to her and captured the taller girl’s lips into a heated kiss.

No way. There’s just… No way. Former Chastity belt Queen Fabgay have been sneaking and fooling around with Berry the Hobbit? She remembered Brittany telling her that those two bitches might be like them. She didn’t really get it at first but then things started to make sense… Britt’s statement, the slushies, the name-calling, pornographic sketches at the bathroom stalls, the heightened tension that lingers in the air whenever they get into another petty argument, the boyfriend-stealing… Hell, even Q’s outburst at the bridal shop and all the ‘you’re the shining star among us’ speech shit she got prepared. For the first time, Santana Lopez started to see things between the two in a new perspective.

“Hmm. So… my Dads are out early for their usual Friday night dates. Want to drop by the house, order some take-out, rent a movie and not watch it?” Rachel panted out after she pulled back from a dopey-looking Quinn, running her hand through the short choppy blonde locks and tugged at them to get the girl’s attention.

Quinn snapped out of her ‘I-just-got-my-mack-on-with-Berry’ daze and chuckled heartily, “You didn’t seem to be contented on just stealing my heart because you seem to be stealing my lines as well?” She gave the shorter girl an infamous Fabraise before fixing both their rumpled clothing and wrapping an arm around the brunette’s slim waist. The taller girl pressed her lips on the diva’s ear and whispered something, making Rachel giggle and peck Quinn’s cheek as they walk out of the locker room, still blissfully unaware of the hiding Latina watching them with a devious smirk.

Oh yeah, Snix is off the leash and she’s going to make sure that she’ll always bring her phone anywhere. You never know what to expect from the unexpected after all.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Soooo… whatcha think? In or out? Lemme know by sending a review below. Pretty please! It would be really awesome if you guys did. Besides, if I get good reviews, I might make this story a series of one-shots especially that I enjoyed writing Faberry through their friends’ POVs. It was certainly a challenging but great writing experience that I wouldn’t be opposed to do again.


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